In years gone by, the excepted etiquette for courting someone of the fairer sex was relatively straightforward and well established. For the most part, men and women played by a set of un-written rules. But today’s woman calls for an entirely different kind of gentleman. Unfortunately, few modern men are truly modern gentleman.
First dates are what could be the starting point for what blossoms into a meaningful and loving relationship, a casual relationship, or a new friendship. The modern gentleman approaches each new first date as an opportunity to meet someone new, engage in a new or favorite activity, or at the very least a good conversation.
- Dinner & A Movie is So Passé
Dinner and a movie has been many a man’s go-to first date, but the modern gentleman prefers a more intimate setting – one where conversation trumps dialogue. Dinner is still a viable option, but an invitation to drinks at a relatively popular bar can allow for a more relaxed environment. As well, if the connection just isn’t there then there isn’t the commitment of a whole meal.
- A Hug Beats a Handshake
People have a tendency to have physical barriers, especially when meeting new people, and by giving a hug at the beginning of the date and telling her how delightful she looks it can break down those barriers. It also demonstrates your physical attraction and sets the stage for her to reciprocate if she feels the same.
- Be Dapper
What you wear says everything about you. When meeting new people our senses are heightened and we notice more. Confidence can come from being dressed well. Something you are truly comfortable in, not just you feel you look good in. Though don’t take that as a license to wear your most beat up jeans and ripped t-shirt, but jeans or slacks that fit, a nice shirt, button up or t-shirt, and a jacket; matched with the right accessories like a nice watch, tasteful scarf, or single ring can bring everything together. Show up clean, groomed, but leave the cologne at home. The body produces natural pheromones that are attractive to the opposite sex so don’t mask these with the latest designer fragrance.
- Whatever Happened to Class
Contrary to popular opinion and culture, chivalry is not dead. The modern gentleman opens doors, pulls out chairs, offers his arm, always let her enter a room first and always let her order first. These simple gestures not only show your attraction, but that you have manners. Being respectful to her and others around you will impress her more than you think.
- Leave the “Negs” at Home
Some of the more popular modern dating advice for men includes the use of “negs” or negative compliments. These are meant to make your date feel insecure about herself and in turn more attracted to you. Gentlemen, leave them at home. A woman wants to feel confident, understood, and respected. Insulting her, even if done coyly, is disrespectful.
- Be Honest with Her and Honest with Yourself
Pretending to be someone your not with the intention of impressing her will create conflict when she finds out the truth. Be honest about your place in life and your beliefs. The goal of a first date it see if two people could be compatible enough to go on a second date. Basing compatibility on deception isn’t fair to either people. If the date isn’t going well, or there is clearly not a mutual attraction or connection, then be honest and end the date. There is a antiquated cultural expectation that dates start with hello and end with a kiss on her doorstep and an invitation upstairs. If you can’t see yourself asking for that invitation for reasons beyond boredom or sexual frustration, then ask for the check, say you had a lovely time and say good night.
- Freshen Up Your Abode
The modern gentleman always keeps his home clean, but take the extra few minutes before you leave to do a once over. Make sure your home looks as though if your mother stopped by you wouldn’t be embarrassed. If the night happens to make it back to your place, the modern gentleman should be able to entertain late night guests without having to worry about stray socks or dirty dishes. Though the modern gentleman doesn’t go into a first date with the expectation that he will return with her, but he is always prepared. Besides, if the date doesn’t work out then you still get to come home to a clean house.
- Pay for the Evening
The modern gentleman believes in gender equality and a woman should have the right to pay if she wants. He also lives under the rule that the one who invites pays. If she offers, say no, let her know she was your guest and discreetly slip your card to the bartender and turn back to your conversation.
- If You Kiss Her, Leave Your Tongue at Home
If the first date has gone reasonably well then going for the kiss might be the next reasonable course of action. Just make sure to leave the tongue at home. A well-timed meaningful kiss can be the perfect end to a night, but an awkward tongue slip could spell disaster. If you aren’t sure if a kiss on the lips is right, then take her hand and kiss that; if she returns with a big smile then go for it.
- Don’t Try to Sleep with Her, Unless That’s All You’re Looking For
Sex on a first date sets the precedent that sex is all you are looking for and all she is good for. If there is a true emotional connection, wait for several dates before becoming physically intimate. If emotional intimacy is allowed to grow first then the physical will be mind-blowing.