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The Modern Gentleman’s First Date

In years gone by, the excepted etiquette for courting someone of the fairer sex was relatively straightforward and well established. For the most part, men and women played by a set of un-written rules. But today’s woman calls for an entirely different kind of gentleman. Unfortunately, few modern men are truly modern gentleman.

First dates are what could be the starting point for what blossoms into a meaningful and loving relationship, a casual relationship, or a new friendship. The modern gentleman approaches each new first date as an opportunity to meet someone new, engage in a new or favorite activity, or at the very least a good conversation.

  1. Dinner & A Movie is So Passé
    Dinner and a movie has been many a man’s go-to first date, but the modern gentleman prefers a more intimate setting – one where conversation trumps dialogue. Dinner is still a viable option, but an invitation to drinks at a relatively popular bar can allow for a more relaxed environment. As well, if the connection just isn’t there then there isn’t the commitment of a whole meal.
  2. A Hug Beats a Handshake
    People have a tendency to have physical barriers, especially when meeting new people, and by giving a hug at the beginning of the date and telling her how delightful she looks it can break down those barriers. It also demonstrates your physical attraction and sets the stage for her to reciprocate if she feels the same.
  3. Be Dapper
    What you wear says everything about you. When meeting new people our senses are heightened and we notice more. Confidence can come from being dressed well. Something you are truly comfortable in, not just you feel you look good in. Though don’t take that as a license to wear your most beat up jeans and ripped t-shirt, but jeans or slacks that fit, a nice shirt, button up or t-shirt, and a jacket; matched with the right accessories like a nice watch, tasteful scarf, or single ring can bring everything together. Show up clean, groomed, but leave the cologne at home. The body produces natural pheromones that are attractive to the opposite sex so don’t mask these with the latest designer fragrance.
  4. Whatever Happened to Class
    Contrary to popular opinion and culture, chivalry is not dead. The modern gentleman opens doors, pulls out chairs, offers his arm, always let her enter a room first and always let her order first. These simple gestures not only show your attraction, but that you have manners. Being respectful to her and others around you will impress her more than you think.
  5. Leave the “Negs” at Home
    Some of the more popular modern dating advice for men includes the use of “negs” or negative compliments. These are meant to make your date feel insecure about herself and in turn more attracted to you. Gentlemen, leave them at home. A woman wants to feel confident, understood, and respected. Insulting her, even if done coyly, is disrespectful.
  6. Be Honest with Her and Honest with Yourself
    Pretending to be someone your not with the intention of impressing her will create conflict when she finds out the truth. Be honest about your place in life and your beliefs. The goal of a first date it see if two people could be compatible enough to go on a second date. Basing compatibility on deception isn’t fair to either people. If the date isn’t going well, or there is clearly not a mutual attraction or connection, then be honest and end the date. There is a antiquated cultural expectation that dates start with hello and end with a kiss on her doorstep and an invitation upstairs. If you can’t see yourself asking for that invitation for reasons beyond boredom or sexual frustration, then ask for the check, say you had a lovely time and say good night. 
  7. Freshen Up Your Abode
    The modern gentleman always keeps his home clean, but take the extra few minutes before you leave to do a once over. Make sure your home looks as though if your mother stopped by you wouldn’t be embarrassed. If the night happens to make it back to your place, the modern gentleman should be able to entertain late night guests without having to worry about stray socks or dirty dishes. Though the modern gentleman doesn’t go into a first date with the expectation that he will return with her, but he is always prepared. Besides, if the date doesn’t work out then you still get to come home to a clean house.
  8. Pay for the Evening
    The modern gentleman believes in gender equality and a woman should have the right to pay if she wants. He also lives under the rule that the one who invites pays. If she offers, say no, let her know she was your guest and discreetly slip your card to the bartender and turn back to your conversation.
  9. If You Kiss Her, Leave Your Tongue at Home
    If the first date has gone reasonably well then going for the kiss might be the next reasonable course of action. Just make sure to leave the tongue at home. A well-timed meaningful kiss can be the perfect end to a night, but an awkward tongue slip could spell disaster. If you aren’t sure if a kiss on the lips is right, then take her hand and kiss that; if she returns with a big smile then go for it.
  10. Don’t Try to Sleep with Her, Unless That’s All You’re Looking For
    Sex on a first date sets the precedent that sex is all you are looking for and all she is good for. If there is a true emotional connection, wait for several dates before becoming physically intimate. If emotional intimacy is allowed to grow first then the physical will be mind-blowing. 

So You Want to Start a Record Label

If you ever wake up one morning and think, “I have way too much money and way too few gray hairs,” I have a suggestion: start a record label. That’s what I did in the winter of 2008 when I started Ten24 Records. As far back as I can remember I always wanted to be in a band signed on a record label. Then a friend of mine got signed with his band and I thought it had to be the coolest thing in the world. I asked him what it was like — did he get big royalty checks, are they planning a world tour, have you met this artist or that artist that’s signed on the label too? The answers were very disappointing, “I get a check every three months or so for a few dollars, we are planning our own national tour, and I’ve really only talked to our A&R guy twice.”

Fast forward a few years and I’m sitting in my rehearsal room, talking with the band about planning our next record and what labels we should solicit, when I had the same bright idea I think every other musician sitting in my spot has: I’ll just start my own label! Music is my one true love; from the moment I played my first show in a grammar school library I knew that music was what I wanted to do. Then fourteen years later, three cities, more bands than I can count, and several stylistic changes I was still sitting in the same rehearsal room doing the same things. Now was the perfect time to do something different and something I could have true passion for — Ten24 Records was the result. I had been laid off from my previous corporate job and I reckoned if I could run someone else’s business then I could run my own. I had been in sales and management for ten years and had always wanted to own my own business and since no one was hiring me at the time, I hired myself. Now, over three years later I have had the opportunity to work with some very talented musicians, producers, engineers, and artists, but getting from there to here wasn’t as easy as I thought.

A&R: Simultaneously the Most Frustrating and Fun Part of the Job

Chicago has an awesome music scene, but sifting through the muck is a daunting task. I put several ads on Craigslist announcing Ten24 Records and soliciting for artists; I received over one hundred responses within the first week.

A few tips for bands that are soliciting labels:

MySpace is a great place to showcase your music to your fans, but not to labels — the sound quality is poor at best. 

Include a little bit about yourself — there is more to a band than its music.  If you have a story, tell it. 

Make sure you are ready to solicit labels; just because your girlfriend thinks you’re a rock star, it doesn’t mean anyone else will.  

The Fun Part

Going to shows has to be best part of the job. What other job allows you to hang out in some great clubs and venues, see live music, enjoy adult beverages, and hang out with some incredibly talented musicians? In my opinion, a band’s live show makes or breaks them. I have heard some amazing tracks sent to me only to be let down by a band that mopes around on stage. 

Time is Your Worst Enemy

Recording schedules, day jobs, line-up changes, funding challenges, and studio issues make what you anticipate to be a three-month project into an eighteen-month project. Nothing goes according to schedule, so be prepared, and more importantly, keep the artists prepared. Bands can disappear when they feel they aren’t at the point they should be, but they aren’t always aware of what happens behind the scenes to get that record in their hands.

What Worked in the Past Won’t Always Work in the Future

The music industry is undergoing a revolution, and when the dust settles, those that embrace technology and cater to the changing ways in which consumers find, buy, and listen to music will still be standing. When people ask where they can buy our records, I list off all of the popular online destinations.  Then they ask, “Why so you don’t sell CDs?” and I ask in return, “When was the last time you bought a CD?” The answer is always a resounding, “I can’t remember!”

Think and Act Differently

People don’t get their music the same way they used to, and the industry needs to be flexible to adapt. Ten24 Records decided to be an all-digital label, partnering with a distributor that gets our artists to just about everywhere people go for music, including the consistently growing music streaming sites. We also operate on a profit-sharing system where we split the revenue with the artist over the traditional royalty structure. I thought back to my friend and his checks for a few dollars, and I wanted to do something different. So instead of the artists making tiny percentages off of high-cost physical media, they take a large cut of a low distribution cost digital sale.

So if you think you have what it takes, go for it! Just remember they call it the music business for a reason.